Arts Bitching: What is a Gender Terrorist?
Author: Sasha Selavie

What exactly does a Gender Terrorist do? Well, she doesn't grow a Fidel Castro© beard- pubic or otherwise! Simply, the process is much more subtle, and involves torpedoing lame,sexual stereotypes. In that sense, Public Enemy Number One must be RuPaul©, the Mincing McDonald's of Drag, with a stage persona best described as safe, corporate pap for timid, mass-produced psyches! How dare spurious style-queens put down John Inman© and Larry Grayson© and eulogise Miz Paul's super-saccharine dross! Methinks there's some deep double standards here! And while not wishing to malign the insights of our Cultural Commisars, it's obvious their disapproval stems from intense fear! Of what? Age and decrepitude, sweetheart! See, despite matchless, comic timing and talent, La Grayson - plus hordes of other 70's TV Queens - are ignored and despised, simply because they use Grecian 2000©! So what? It happens to us all, baby! Even with the biggest budget in the world, the best you can do by 70 is look like Zsa Zsa Gabor! Art-fags, of course, deny these biological facts with gleamingly gritted teeth, and award plus points purely on the number of candles stuck in your birthday cake! Let's rip back the curtains on this Narcissistic Mafia. Briefly, it goes like this.You're a seven-foot string of vermicelli© with no discernible talent? Fabulous! The world is your peanut! The media adore undemanding, photogenic stooges! But - in the case of trannies- why bother? Sure - after enormous make-up efforts- you might produce something indistinguishable from a woman, so why not use one in the first place? Frankly, they're a lot more professional, and any radical edge media trannies had is long extinct. The outlook? Pretty dire. If you're camp, mature and cursed with talent, do yourself a favour and base-jump without a `chute! In 1998, even hinted wrinkles are the kiss of death! Still, there's hope, of a sort, and it's called Bruce Forsyth©. A permanent, TV fixture, this sexist geek is employed purely to discourage hopes of long-term, small-screen success. A shameless, toe-curling travesty, Our Brucie makes the most ruthless wannabe eager to shovel shite! Indeed, the only guests he gets are involuntary lobotomies, Essex men who've pressed too hard with self-inflicted facial piercings!

But back to lady's underwear. Has drag truly lost it? Can a winky in pantyhose still be Genuinely Transgressive? At times, yes. Meet Eddie Izzard©, who - to judge by his chin- must be an unacknowledged part of the Forsyth family tree! Izzard, certainly, fulfills one essential requirement of Gender Terrorism, the need to be a Gorgeous Monster, hinting at both sexes but belonging to neither! It's that ambiguity- more than anything else- which gives effective Gender Terrorism a witchy, enduring power. And please, don't confuse GT's with passive, fashion-plate trannies or misogynist drag comedy. Are you confused? In need of guidance? Don't worry - Lady Sasha will leap to your assistance! Here - spanking hot! - is a checklist of notable GT's.First up, we have the unforgettable Divine©, John Water's finest, closely followed by the exquisite Z-Man Barzell© in Russ Meyer's unbelievable Beyond the Valley of The Dolls©! Still, if your memory's handicapped by extreme youth, and you're a post -1980 Pansy, the ultra-tacky Jayne County and gloriously anarchic Divine David© might tickle your tastebuds! As to the laterally-minded Mr. Izzard, think of a beer-gut in a trainer bra and you're halfway there!

Disdaining all precedents and aesthetic sneers, Mr. Izzard stubbornly clings to his singular, sartorial vision. He should be applauded - it takes guts to ignore mass, sweat-pants uniformity and barbarously cropped hair! Artistically, too, he's stretching boundaries, performing stand-up in French to hyper-critical, Parisian punters, and creating surreal sit-com, Cows©. Most importantly, his very presence challenges bland, identikit notions of glamour, invaluable in a world dedicated to capped teeth and sliced noses! Hollywood© should wake up- the reason box-offices are down is because punters can't tell the front-men apart, nor do they care! Christ© almighty- let's have some variety in our cinematic dreams! Older movies suck you in with a whole gallery of humanity - just look at Einsenstein's awesome Ivan the Terrible, or any St. Trinian's flick! Sadly - if remade now- the wicked witch in Wizard of Oz would be a dumb Baywatch© babe, all pert, anally retentive tits and zero charisma! Still, that's the 90's, boys- and internal substance is what we abuse, not possess!